Trapped Feelings.

Date: 2/25/2009
Colorgenics Number: 42106573

---

You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point - like an English Bulldog, once you take the bite, you will seldom let go.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You feel utterly wretched - worn out. The demands that other people have been making on you have depleted your strength and stamina. You feel powerless to try to remedy the situation on your own and you are looking for what is hopefully known as 'divine intervention'. But be assured your salvation lies in yourself - you have the ability so use it.

Well, the Colorgenics test is somewhat right. I do feel stressed to no real sight of the end.
This is bullshit. I wish I knew before this happened that my best friend would be like this. You told me you were fine with it, and that you were over it. But apparently, you're not. It's not like I'm not gonna find out about what you say about this situation because first of all, you're my best friend. How would people not tell me how you're feeling about this? You're stupid not to just confront me. Why are you bringing others into this problem? 

Now that I'm thinking about it, it's not really even a problem. I don't see why I should feel bad. I don't see why she should feel bad. She told me and you that you guys were never, NEVER talking..So why would you make caustic remarks about me to other people when you were never nothing more than just friends with her? If you HAD been talking to her, I woulda backed off, seriously. That'd be hella fucked up of me just to snatch her away like that from your grasp if you guys had been talking. However, that's not the case in this particular situation.

Fuck.

I thought I knew you better than this.

Food for Thought

I like ze Nuggetz.

Most definately.

Yez.

hehehe

Pinky Promise?

Really really good day.

I wake up at around 8 thanks to some ugly woman texting me....

I fall back asleep annoyed and smiling, and again I wake up around 10. 

Shit, I just remembered that Michelle was coming at 10:30...

I dive towards the restroom, get sexxxied up in a quickness, throw on some clothes, and she's already at the door.

-______-

We walk to 711 and buy slurpees yay!

After a couple hundred yards from my house, she promptly tells me she had forgotten her phone at the house.

WOOOOOOOW woman..

We head back, and of course I'm grumbling n shit...

We get the phone and start walking back.

Michelle finally jaywalked!

=)

We go to Penitencia Park and look for the perfect place to picnic. 

I picked the best spot out of the entire park, yet Michelle decides its too cold because of the shade and we resume searching for the next best spot..

We finally decide after a good 10 minutes of arguing and settle at a spot only about 10 feet away.

She made hella food!

=) =) =)

I ate the sticky rice/pork bundle in a flash. Down goes the jello as well. 

We take a bunch of pictures and nap for a little bit. 

Michelle decides to go back and we start walking to my house once more, accompanied by a plethora of arguing and laffs.

mwahah

Michelle gets picked up, and Mel calls to tell me to go to Orange Park. 

I say, mm aite if some niggas wanna get balled up fo SHO.

I skate over where we promptly play a game to 11. 

I shit on Joel.

We play 2 more games.

Tired.

We squeeze into Conrad's small Honda Civic SI.

We as in Kevin, me, Mel, Conrad, Christian, Joel, and his brother.

OWW.

We go to Jack in the Box and eat.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Then me, Conrad, Kevin, and Mel decide to go to the Great Mall because we're boppers like that.

Conrad meets Maureen.

After, we pick up Austin and drive home.

Satisfying day!

Yet no homework done

=(

=)

FunFunFun day

Crazy dream..

Winnie the Pooh Bear anyone?

So apparently, I'm in this wonderland.

The hundred acre woods where Pooh Bear and his buddies live in.

I answer the doorbell and Kanga, Roo's mother, shows up on my doorstep.

hah!

I was all 

the

fuckk..........

-_-

so I grudgingly invite her in. We decide to walk through the house into my room where I dig out a jar of Hunny. However, bees come flying! Bees to the left, bees to the right. So we duck out and book it in a quickness and go to 711 and get slurpess. HAHA

I wake up n shit...

gay.

First thought that pops into my head.

fucccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk statssssssss and calcccccccc and englishhhhhhh and biooooooo bullshit....

-_-

I wanna kill myself. 

But then i decided to walk over to the library and saw Michelle of all people.

Great.............................

We do stats for a little bit n shit and get picked up by some ugly girl named katherine.

I break her door.

Its fixed at her house.

We do more stats hw.

BORING..

I get picked up by David and go to Clydes and get guy shit.

We do some guy shit and go to alan's house and watch a pussy ass movie called Quarantine.

boringggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

but we ate pizza

=)

I eat a lot.

I realized that.

Yes michelle.

I admit I eat alot.

sowwie.

FUCK.

1 hour and Ive been jst staring at my fucken calculus bullshit...

1 problem done.

My phone's been acting retarded.

I hate it.

Tommrow is hw day frrrrrrrrrrrreal

=(

I tried to do handstands for you

Gloomy weather bodes ill moods for myself.

As I have been for the past weekend...

Homework is a bitch. 
I should REALLY start on biology objectives yet I fail to after making countless promises to myself  I would..

sigh.

its whatever

You and I collide.

I can't wait for the next time we go out =)

My phone is acting hella gay n shit.

I just wanna throw it against the wall. Hopefully my parents become reasonable and let me buy a new one. =)

I bet you they're not....

I think I like you

St. Valentine's Day

I think I'm inlikewithyou.

My valentine called and said to come by Eastridge.

Might as well cause my sister and David were going to watch a movie there anyways. Around 1, David comes and picks us up both and go to Eastridge. I meet her around 1:30 and eat. After some grubbin, we watch Coraline together. It was hella trippy! I recommend it.

After, we decided to watch the Uninvited. Well, I pretty much decided and forced her into watching it with me cause she was being a pussy n shit.. -_-

HAHAH but I wish we didn't see it!

Cause that hella scared me..

Although it was a REALLY bad movie, the popups and everything managed to scare me.

=(

Today was a really good day. I couldn't have spent it any better =)

Happy times are ahead, fellow bloggers!

Shock Me Like Electric Eel

Babygirl

Turn me on with your electric feel.

I haven't blogged consistently so my apologies to all my faithful blog readers and followers =)

Today is Valentine's Day.

Although I don't really have one this year, I still feel happy today.

Dance yesterday at Inde.

Me, melvyn, Joe, and Sandi had to hella sneak in. 

Before that we got some MD.

We snuck in through the back and hella just ran in. 

Blended right in the crowd n shit.

bwahh

Danced with a couple people.

Although the only one I remember dancing with is Michelle, it was nevertheless fun.

The only song I remember is Just dance and Since You've Been Gone.

HAHAHA

Fuck..

this week is gonna be so borrrrrrrrrrring

I need to show parents SAT scores before they disown me.

=(

I wanna be able to talk to you.

Maybe something more is about to happen.

Insanity and More

Just people who disrespect others for the sole purpose of trying to prove to themselves and their friends that they're hard and shit..

Fuck you

Tommorow's gonna be a long day.

Nugget didn't come to school today.

Grades are dropping.

Point of no care.

It's whatever.

Fmylife

Sat scores are in.

FUCK

I did less than satisfactory.

That was a major understatement.

The Good, Bad, and Worst

There's always three types of situations.

The Good

- Seeing that ugly nugget a lot today

hahahah

The Bad

- Math hw, history hw

The Worst

-English 

motha

fucken

essay

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

imma be up all night,

Crowther, you are a sick bastard

Revelation

I am at ease.

Nothing more to think about,

nothing more to fret about

There's other things in life which should have my focus more.

It's pointless to chase something impossible to reach.

Feelings are feelings, but they shouldn't deter anyone from their original path.

As for me, my original path is to just live life free.

Complicated matter, I'll leave that to the others willing to deal.

It's whatever now.

hah

The Norm

Today was as normal as they get.

First period, I slept the whole time. Being an aide is whack anyways. I don't do shit.

Second period, we had a sub for Enriquez (Mr. Shain). Hella fun. After the classwork, went to go chill with Michelle till the period ended in the piano room. She plays hella good. 

Almost late to third but made it in the nick of time. During third, yes, I slept again. 

hhahaha

Break time was chillen.

Fourth period was more notes and notes and notes and sleep.

Fifth was pretty much the same. Mr. Shain again. Me and Duc bullied Tam. Duc bullied him more.

=(

Lunch , we went to McDonalds and ate. 

came to sixth right on time.

6th and 7th, I slept. 

After school was a windy day of track. I didn't even feel like running. Coach said step it up tommorow or else..

Homework tonight so......................

:/

Things are troubling me. 

No leading on plz.

I'll post later

Dunzo

Dance was coo.

too many guys chasin you

nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

its whatever tho

but it was coo dancin with you!

I'm behind homework as usual.

Bio objectives are a bitch..

I've done 0/200 something so far

English essay is a bitch too.

fuck you

I wanna watch the lakers game now

i'll update later meng

heffalumps and woozles.

http://www.fmylife.com/

^LOL

I spent thirty minutes reading how people get fucked over.

After school, Melvyn, Justin, Jacky, Dennis, Michael, Kevin, and I decide we want to go to Sonics. I get picked up by my mom and we drive home. They pick me up at 711 and we proceed promptly. However, we see M**** and his friend walk across the sidewalk next to Piedmont Middle. Quicker than a TI-83 plus processing a graph, we make a U-ie and turn around. We fight. I molly whopp him.

After the molly whopp session, we drive over to Sonic. Cramped up like monkeys in cage, the ride was suffocating :/. However, the trip there was worth it. Definetly worth it. =) I get a chicken sandwich and a Jr. Deluxe burger which were absolutely amazingly deliciously cheap. 

HAHA.

We decide we wanna go on slides and drive over to Brigadoon. 

-_-

We slide 3 times.

We go to San Felipe. 

San Felipe was wack. 

Some guy in a truck was glancing at us secretly as if he was about to pounce upon us like a cat!

)= I was sad we didn't get to chill there long, but fuck it. Thug life.

tell me why the funniest thing happened there.

Justin, fucken idiot, believes he can jump over a barbed wire fence. Idiot in the air gets his jeans caught and falls like a bag of bricks. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

I was laughing for 20 minutes.

Felt bad for 5 minutes after.

Then laughed again for another 10 minutes.

On the ride home, I slept. 

Calculus test tommorow.

FML.

I didn't study and I will fail it. 

oh well.

Phone call later with my nugget =)

Although I don't see her much today, always looks great.

What the fuck are derivatives and integrations?

I hate calculus.

To the point where I'd rather sleep in a room filled with cockroaches and classical music playing in the background.

Fuck.

Can't wait for Sadies =)

Hopefully its a good night.

MOLLY WHOPPED NIGGA!

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

"I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too.. Thursday, I don't care about you, but Friday, I'm in love."

^ Song of the hour.

I wanna play you a song tonight =)

Hope you like it

Wild Day

I'd first like to start off today's blog by saying how wonderful and spontaneous today was.

I wake up to the sound of my ringtone at around 5 am. Melvyn apparently wants to know what I am going to wear today to chill. I respond with a caustic remark of "youre hella gay". Nevertheless, I tell him: jacket, button up, jeans. I get ready only to get another phone call, this time from Jackie, telling me that Justin and her are outside waiting for me. 

-_-

So I rush all my morning pregame rituals and make it off like a jet and bounce. 

We drive over to Piedmont Hills where Michael and Melvyn have been waiting for some time supposedly... I think they were lying. t(-_-)t

After their pickup, we drive over to where Dennis lives and picks him up. By this time, there are no more seats in the fucking car. We have Melvyn at shotgun while me, Justin, Jackie, and Michael are packed up like sardines in a can.  FUCK

I get lucky and get right nut so it was pretty comfortable.

Dennis was driving cause apparently Justin cant drive his own car.

We stop at an intersection when the notso brilliant Justin decides we're going to Santa Cruz.

-_-

"FOO, I'm fuckin TIRED"

"So? It'll be fun foo. Dont trip."

-_-

I end up losing the battle of words and we decide to make our way down highway 17 and onto Santa Cruz. 

Santa Cruz was dope.

We parked at a nearby motel and Melvyn brought out his football. 

We started playing catch when I slip on something and twist my ankle (-_-).

Some wack shit.

We start walking towards the Boardwalk when Dennis gets a pack of stoges. 

Coo Coo.

At the beach, we met two friendly homeless men who have been sleeping on the beach for a couple of days. I smell marijuana and ask them if they're smoking some. I get a resounding 'Fuck Yeah'.

Homeless people in Santa Cruz these days...

We go up to the wharf where we see the people fishing. Some sea lions were popping out of the surface of the ocean. I thought that was cute.

BTW

"The wonderful thing about tiggers is tiggers are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs. They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, funfunfunfunfun! But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one! I'm the only one."

I'd thought I share this with my followers and blog-readers and stalkers and creeps.

=)

Anyways, we find out that its already 11......

So Dennis drives like a maniac and we make it back to San Jose in 20 minutes where Melvyn decides he wants mothafucken Wingstop.

WTF MELVYN

WINGSTOP?!?!

REALLY NOW?!?!?!!?!?!!
WHEN ITS GONNA TAKE LIKE A MILLION HOURS TO GET TO SCHOOL?

shit..

We end up going..

some bullshit

But the damn wings were so fuckin delicious.

omg.

"orgasmic" as my fellow blogger David Gay-briel put it.

After Wingstop, we book it to school where we split up and I look for my sister's room. I gave her her sandwich from Main St. Bagel and head straight to stats class. Luckily, I'm not marked late. FSHO mr. Enriquez!

After school was track. Some whack track. My ankle hurt. Wait, that was an understatement. It felt as if tornadoes filled with sharp needles and glass shards were fighting with the delicate tendons that hold my ankle together.

WACK

After track was school.

Homework.

Some jeopardy.

Imma shower and then phone hopefully

=)